Visual Irony Fan Mugs

"Apologies but I can't see any patients today."

"Our business is based on breakthroughs."

Mort Park! You mean Killer. You're sprung, Killer. I'm free to go? Unless you're so tough now you'd rather stay. I mean a guy named Killer probably likes jail. Mail me my blanky.

Sharp Eyes

'It always great to get away from it all.'

"He's Right Behind Me, Isn't He?"

'In a bizarre set of circumstances, the book salesman never showed up, but a drug rep is here with samples of Prozac.'

"I thought this was the Vermeer tour."

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." "Give me all the juicy details."

Noah's lesser known brother.

"Anita, you never told me you worked for a company with such deep pockets!"

'I don't get it. He had the smallest paws in the whole litter.'

'I'd like a brandy please...'

Ingoldsby Legends - Impious Bishop Robert of Birchington

It's my manifesto on living "off the grid," mainly compiled from my blog, tweets and Facebook posts.

"Look! There's an ELEPHANT in this room."

"His paintings are better than they look."

"If I get this phone completed, fire will follow."

Man Comes In From The Rain Looking The Exact Same

Man: 'What the...?!' / 404 ERROR!

'And you DROVE here, Mr. Hartwelder?'

"I don't know about you, but I am delighted by all this incongruity."

An office collection for an employee penniless from too many office collections

'Wait, don't move...it totally looks like you're wearing a chef's hat right now!'

'Soccer hooligans, majesty! Thousands of them! We're doomed!'

Hey, hey, hey! Sonar up here!

"Pay no attention to Brian, he's always playing the victim."

Thrifty Credit Union

Free Eyetest.

'Boy, does this guy need glasses!'

'I wonder why women live longer than men.'

'And if any of you are unhappy with your bonus, just log on to our website and press 'Click to Enlarge.''

The Out of Order Love Machine.

Man smiles at a machine that has a low camera sign: Your Weight And Naughty Picture.