Visitor Gifts

'Oognik! -- If I'd known you were coming, I'd have harpooned a whale!'

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

'Of all the nerve!...Making us sit through the whole of their Bayeux Tapestries!!'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

Barbeque Casualty.

Beware of the Dog Hair.

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

Hospital.

"She's in room 334 but she's only allowed to see people who haven't annoyed her for 15 years."

'A vet!! Take Princess to a vet?'

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

Fertility clinic open day - Man holding balloons shaped like sperm.

"It's my latest work...I only vomited it this morning."

Kid see shadow from mom as mom see shadow in painting.

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

Mrs Amblewll wished they'd hurry up and repair the park toilets.

Swing by won't you?

Bear painting signs encouraging people to feed the animals.

"The reason you haven't seen me lately is because I haven't been well..."

'Don't start an argument - you know how you hate intravenous feeding.'

'Don't' Feed the Animals' sign with a saw in it.

'So Grandma's arrived then.'

'I don't think they are playing with a full deck.'

'Boy, this is a no-nonsense kind of place, isn't it?'

The Fat-Free Mayo Clinic.

A woman breaks a loaf of bread into breadcrumbs for the ducks.

'The psychiatrist gives you 6 months to live - vicariously through other people.'

Old lady feeding birds at a dining table in park.

'It's a dirty lie... I only drink to be sociable!'

Hercules Poirot meets Pierrot

'You should see Mr. Feeney in Room 201, sir -- he's our Vice-President in charge of unwelcome visitors.'