Visiting The Doctor Pillows

'I always weigh 5 pounds at the doctor's office. I all it 'white bloat syndrome.'"

"Well, if you want my blood pressure lower don't keep waiting two hours to see you."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"The first one's just a warning."

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

Barbeque Casualty.

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

"We need to update your entire operating system."

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

'How can he be depressed when all he eats are Happy Meals?'

'Does this get me a purple heart?'

Being Serenading in Casualty

'The good news is that you don't have mad cow's disease. The bad news is you are lactose intolerant.'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

'So you're off to see the chiropodist... the only time in your life you shouldn't put your best foot forward!'

"When I suggested you should walk a couple of miles a day I didn't mean to just see me!"

"So what brings you in today?"

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

'You're eating too much roughage.'

'This little piggy went to the doctor's office and went 'ouch, ouch, ouch' all the way home. I just made that up.'

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

"Are they called 'x-rays' because the alphabet wasn't finished when they were invented?"

"You've got bunions, hammertoes and plantar fasciitis. Bad feet must run in your family." "Nobody runs in my family."

"Tell her the surgeon is the best in his field and she'll get through this fine!"

Patient to Doctor: 'This may hurt a little.'