Visiting Santa Pillows

'Jimmy? That's a fine name. Jimmy, before we get started may I have your zip code?'

Santa Claus's Mail

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

High security Santa's grotto

"I prefer to talk to Mrs. Claus. She doesn't care if I'm naughty or nice."

"I admire your enthusiasm, but you’re not really flying."

"Anything but milk and cookies."

'You know who's been naughty and who's been nice? -- you're not using DNA evidence, are you?'

'You still owe me the pony from last year!'

"Pepperoni pizza is my favorite! Ah, Billy, you little suck up!"

Santa 'Freezing' Claus.

'How do we know the NSA hasn't hacked your naughty list?'

Santa CGI Effect

'How do you think he stays so merry through the holidays?!'

"Naughty? Nice? It's a bit more nuanced than that..."

"I want a pony!"

'There really IS a Santa!' Santa busts pets eating his milk and cookies

'And that,and that,and that...'

'Well, I'll try, but cheese seems to be the 'must have gift' this year.'

The Reindeer Strike

Pole dancers

"We're wasting our time. He gets them free at work."

"Well, what would YOU like for Christmas?"

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

"For the last time… do not feed bubble gum to the reindeer!"

Hot food cafe open every day except Christmas Day.

"I can't tel you what an honor it is to be the keynote speaker at the Supply Chain management Seminar."

"I'm like most people, I guess––a mixture of good and bad."

SANTA'S ATTORNEY

'After you ask him for the pony, ask him to pay for your college education.'

He Sees You When You're Sleeping

"The cookies are always stale."

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'