Visionary Skeptics Gifts

Books Self Help. Bestseller! Visualize Success. I can't see that working for me.

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

"I don't like space."

'...and, if your idea is so imaginative, innovative and original, why aren't our competitors doing it?'

"This report says a happy workforce is a productive workforce, but I need more proof before I go changing everything around."

"This'll show the Theology Department."

Judgment Day is coming next Monday. Repent. Now, hold on. How can I believe you when so many dire prophecies haven't come true? I sealed myself in a shelter twice in the late '60s, hid in the Appalachian Mountains a decade later. A huge bunching of Judgment Day visions in the late '80s led me to simply get a time share in the Colorado mountains … Getting out of town doesn't spare you Judgment Day. I don't think. Lemme double-check the clues in Marmaduke. Mostly I needed an excuse to get away. Th

Virtual Reality Shop. I think our business here will expand as actual reality becomes more and more unbelievable.

'We studied the multiplication table in school today -- frankly, I don't believe a word of it.'

"Dad, can you read?"

Rare Book Store: Telephone Directories

'This is Thompson, he'll be getting your tea department online and working on it's global brand.'

"I miss expense accounts."

"I've got about 3 more inches before I'm willing to get reading glasses."

"Spaghetti made from squash? Sounds like fake news."

"Awesome, yes - but what's the point? I mean, aside from the travel reward points."

'…dial tone…dial tone…dial tone…'

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, lady, can't you read?"

Wine-O-vision

"I wonder if we could allow women a greater role in religion other than as sacrifices?"

"Technology isn't so fancy. When I was a girl, we had something like a 24-hour weather channel, too!"

It's Rudy's annual treecation – A low-cost vacation spent sitting under his tree. This year, a twist: His gadgets have lost battery life and his portable generator is out … Don't panic. Maybe this is a battery tree. Just leaves. Or maybe there's an outlet. Bark. What kind of tree is this?! Proudly powered by sun and roots.

Guy in Opthamology Store Room getting Evil Eyeballs.

'If it's any consolation, Mr. Nostro couldn't have known what hit him.'

"Yesterday, militant atheists killed moderate atheists for not being atheist enough."

"Sorry, I really don't believe in it...I'm a Scorpio and you know that we're naturally sceptical..."

For word balloons, press "1." For captions, press "2."

"That time facebook went down for a few hours isn't that big a deal. Little buddy!"

It's a trade-off. I'm ugly as all get out, but I have great peripheral vision.

'I can't see myself as a visionary.'

'If you look carefully you'll see that all the claims are invalid except on alternate Tuesdays in June when Venus is in alignment with Mars.'

'Bob was horrified when he realised that he'd mixed up the perscriptions'

"Just phone Mr.Fry and tell him the claim's been rejectedbecause the damage was deemed an 'Act of God'."