Visionary Jokester Pillows

'Barry I think it's time you had your eyes checked!'

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

'Hey, what happened to my cookies?'

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

Large print e-book.

'Eureka! After months of research and formulating algorithms, I've done it... I've discovered the secret to 'being cool'!'

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

While at the Zoo, Victoria gets an idea.

That isn't what prove you're not a robot means, Bob.

Death comes to both the Archbishop and the Salesman in Venice

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

'You say you're having trouble seeing into the future'

"Your problem isn't the prescription."

I think I need new glasses. I swear I just saw a tiny man jump off your bridge.

"Remember, the password is case sensitive."

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

A man with notches in his nose for his glasses.

'You should see a doctor. Maybe you have that West Nile thing.'

'Man, when was the last time you had your eyes tested?'

'If you cut back on children, at least try to eat them before they nibble on your house.'

"I'm here because my vision is getting so bad I can't even see clearly in my dreams at night!"

'Unknown fact: Cows aren't grazing...they're searching for their contact lenses.'

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

'Guess who I bumped into today? EVERYBODY!'

Broad Minded

'Very good, but not quite 'presidential vision'.'

'Unknown fact: Cows aren't grazing...they're searching for their contact lenses.'

Cowvid-19

"I think an IQ test would be more appropriate at this time."

A Pirate at the Opticians.

'Tender and Juicy.'

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."