Vision Humor Aficionados Pillows

"Your hindsight is 20/20, but your foresight is legally blind."

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

Unemotional Support Animal

"Congratulations. It's a chick."

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

Stairlift around cliff face.

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

6,000 BC: Neolithic Barbecue

"Our business is based on breakthroughs."

Stormy weather

"WOW, we're on top of the world!"

"He doesn’t say much, but he thinks a lot."

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

Cheating Death.

Large print e-book.

"Could you tilt the Earth just a bit more away from the light?"

'We have to forfeit, Three of our players got squashed on the way over here,'

"Very Presidential."

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

'Yeah, but if it's NOT a mirage, maybe we can find Mapquest on it!'

"Caricatures $20"

"The first step is admitting you're a dog."

"Oh, it's alright. You couldn't know that I'm honey-intolerant."

'Do we want to tackle this head on, or just stun it with a glancing blow until next Monday?'

Girl who can't cook meets guy who can't fix stuff.

'It's in my belly-button if you must know!'

Watchdog on Holiday

'All right pal, just hand over the nose and nobody gets hurt.'

"Don't even think about it! I am the property of the English Monarch!"

"So yeah - This is my ideal first date."

Remember, honey, abracadabra doesn't work anymore. Now it's command, option, shift.