Virus Skeptic Pillows

Council To Re-open America

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

Safety Barriers

'My daughter read on the internet about a hip replacement with free built-in MP3 player,'

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

'Biggest damn virus I've ever seen!'

"To save you from destruction I will now wipe out mankind!"

"Too much caution can take all the fun out of life." "Mind if I get a second opinion?"

"I've mutated."

"...And those are some of the books I would have read if the Internet had never been invented."

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

"Well, who you gonna believe? Me or Wikipedia?"

"When I was a kid there was no internet. If you wanted to bully someone, you had to do it to their face."

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

"Tarzan hate frivolous lawsuits."

"Oh, sure! Blame the monkey!"

Doubts about Astrazeneca vaccine

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

"My self esteem is low ... how come I never got hacked?"

Astrazeneca vaccine pause

'Mrs. Tomkins says her prescription has no side effects, so it can't be doing her any good.'

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

"You've managed to catch bird flu, swine flu and a touch of mad cow disease."

'Well you were warned about the dangers of sedentary lifestyle.'

'How can we get the flu? We are the flu.'