Virtual Disciplinarian Pillows

"That's enough, Taylor. Leave my class and log into detention immediately."

'Irwin graduates from an online course today.'

'Your parents are way too overprotective.'

Raccoons! Single file into the crate! Snake! Back in your hole! Crickets! Keep it down! Animal Control Freak.

'I've deleted my on-line homework teacher three times but he won't go away.'

'I want you to text message 100 times, 'I will not text message in class.''

'I was working on my online degree, until my computer went on sabbatical.'

Gracebook.

'Do I have to enter a plea?'

"You're a very good hall monitor, Billy, but we don't detain teachers."

"Mommy needs to get mad at you in a weird calm voice now."

"Remote teaching isn't good for torturing a substitute. For that you need a live audience."

"How do you feel about plea bargaining?"

'That website has been blocked.'

It's often meant as a compliment, but in this case saying he's "in a class by himself" is not a good thing.

"O.K. Kindergarten friends, let's sing together... 'If you're happy and you know it - and you've washed your hands for at least 20 seconds and you've squirted some sanitizer on them - clap your hands.'"

'The principal says her door is always open, until it slams shut when you're in there!'

'Your punishment is to cut and paste ‘I will not misbehave in class' 500 times on your tablet.'

"We tell our kids to drink, smoke, dabble in recreational drugs and get a tattoo. Because they always do exactly the opposite of what we say."

"Sorry I'm late, dad! Which number?"

"You just wait until your father gets home and adjusts your algorithm!"

"...And to those who have been naughty he doesn't bring any coal, just presents."

"I'm being punished. For the next hour I have to stay out of WiFi range."

The company gym's down the hall, but your resolve will be tested by running the gauntlet of snack machines.

'Aren't I entitled to a public defender?'

"If I have to text you one more time...."

"Mommy is going to stay 'On Message'. 'No'"

'Saul Werman, Attorney at Law... I got a call from someone in need of 'wegal wepwesentation?''

I am homeschooling you. That doesn't mean you can misbehave in class. If you keep calling out, I'll have to call your mother and report my concerns to myself.

Punishment for a child in the internet age - 'Go to your chat room'

Second united church of the internet: Make Jesus your screen savior

Graduating in the Age of COVID

Listen, now that we're doing homeschool, STEM stands for Stop Texting Every Minute.

"No supper for him, Sonia. When little boys petrol bomb the neighbours car they must be punished.

The Ivies