Vintner Gifts

"Charles, would you be my vintner?"

Ned Thompson, unpretentious wine taster.

"Barry made the wine. I made the cheese."

"We want this wine to be assertive and stubborn, but with a sense of humor."

'Why is the jacuzzi full of grapes?'

Wine: New and Old.

'If the pesticides, herbicides and fungicides keep us from selling this as wine, how about we go into the nightlight business?'

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

kangaroos hopping around in a vat of grapes to make wine for Australian wine company.

'He must be a top vintner. He's out standing in his field.'

'To save money, Bob started making his own wine. This Chablis, for example, only cost him $329 a bottle.'

"That's between me and my vintner."

'He's judging our reserve pinot noir - five years to produce it, five seconds in his mouth.'

Wine: New & Old!!!

'I brew it myself.'

'And this is wood, for the fire...and for artificially flavoring my homemade Chardonnary.'

'It's Jack's homemade Merlot - care for a scoop?'

'We never sell a wine before it's time. We're still waiting for our first big sale.'

'We only produced 50 cases this year. Most of our competitors spill more than that.'

'Hold up a sec! I'm feeling really guilty about all the destruction we've caused to vineyards around the world...Okay, I'm over it.'

'Who's the new guy?'

Wine Connoisseurs in Hell: 'You mean they're all room temperature!'

'When we bought this place we thought we'd only be making wine. Apparently, we're also into spirits.'

'You know why he married a vintner's daughter? He thought she was di-vine.'

"If the vineyard needs rain, why don't you get the truck washed?"

"Why yes, I am a professional grape stomper...why do you ask?"

"May we see something from local hydroponically grown grapes aged in casks made from non-endangered trees?"

Home Wine-Making Kit...

"I want a wine that's wise but unassuming, and not ashamed of a screw on cap."

"Wow, a full vat of grapes in 32 seconds! You're hired!"

"This wine was made for cable TV...a blend of 500 grapes varieties, but you'll only taste about 5 of them."

Grapes

"Why is the jacuzzi full of grapes?"

Galician vineyards

"Very wishy-washy. . . really lacks conviction. . ."