Viniculturist T-Shirts

'Did you hear? We have a new slogan: Artisan-crafted wine made the old-world way.'

'Yeah, dear, I got the stomping job at the vineyard--you didn't mention they make cactus wine!'

boy plugging leak in a barrel with his finger

Pete Townshend Vineyards

A Good Batch.

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

"We're hoping for a really smooth wine here."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

'How do you folks get away with such flagrant violation of Prohibition?'

'In Love'

'This is the last time we hire former Cirque du Soleil members as stompers.'

"Is Pinot Noir where you want to be?"

'Note to self: Like coffee, homemade coffee wine should be available in decaf, too.'

"I make it myself!"

'They say you have to drink 4 times as much merlot as pinot noir to get the same level of anti-oxidants. Isn't that just too, too bad?'

'We drove 800 miles for this? If I wanted to look at a roomful of dusty bottles, we could have visited your mother.'

'That may be what the wine glossary says, but to me, terroir means a fantatic view.'

"If the weather stays good, we could end up in a very prestigious 1992 Cabernet Sauvignon."

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

kangaroos hopping around in a vat of grapes to make wine for Australian wine company.

'It's a little varietal I bottle myself...Type A positive.'

'Who's the new guy?'

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

'When we bought this place we thought we'd only be making wine. Apparently, we're also into spirits.'

'Would you like some of our house wine? I just made it.'

On Champagne: 'Nobody knows the bubbles I've seen.'

Red Wine

"So much for that vintage!"

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

"Soy milk and rice milk are okay but I prefer grape milk.".

'There's over 500,000 different wines? Bernie, we've got work to do!'