Viticulture T-Shirts

'Look at this! France is getting into the wine business, too.'

'Yeah, I think it has too much tannin, too.'

'It's time to retire from the winemaking business, Maurice - Just look at your skin-to-pulp ratio.'

'Four years, for a wine degree, from UC Davis...for this.'

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

'I don't get it. Ask him to start over.'

'Who's the new guy?'

'Now forget that I'm your boss and the CEO. How does my new product idea, Just the Lees, taste?'

'Hey, you should be thanking us for improving your cluster-to-leaf balance.'

'Bruce! 'ow many times must I tell 'ya? Only one wave of the bloomin' terroir flag over the fruit!'

'I think we can skip the resume.'

'Hey, I'm sorry, it smelled foxy.'

"Could I have a bottle of the Chateau Lafitte '67 but filled with the wine from Tesco 2019."

'Hold up a sec! I'm feeling really guilty about all the destruction we've caused to vineyards around the world...Okay, I'm over it.'

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

'Hey, if they can grow in Michigan...'

'There's over 500,000 different wines? Bernie, we've got work to do!'

'The merlot is 100 merlot; the pinot noir is 100 pinot noir, and the chardonnay is 100 Swiss chard.'

The Busy Gardener

The Vineyard

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

"I'm rooting for the carrots."

Wine enthusiast tries to make his way to Cork.

An old man growing berries

Bumble Bee

"I make it myself!"

'This is the last time we hire former Cirque du Soleil members as stompers.'

Gardening Terms: Black Spot

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

"Before invasive species, the only things I could grow were weeds and mildew."

-A garden uses a lot of water. -Most of it perspiration.

On Champagne: 'Nobody knows the bubbles I've seen.'

"Whoever dug up my carrots had better learn to play dead, fast."

You will always find a spot to garden