Vineyard Victor T-Shirts

Wine Competition. This vintage was awarded first prize for it superior bouquet. It won by a nose!

The Vineyard

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

Wine Lady

Queen of Quinoa

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

'We drove 800 miles for this? If I wanted to look at a roomful of dusty bottles, we could have visited your mother.'

"If the weather stays good, we could end up in a very prestigious 1992 Cabernet Sauvignon."

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

'Who's the new guy?'

An Excellent Nose for Wine.

On Champagne: 'Nobody knows the bubbles I've seen.'

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

Wine tasting

My friend, Ernie, the documentary filmmaker, is producing a series about beverages. One film follows a man's search for the perfect lager. The working title is "The Beer Hunter." He found a group of young women in high school who are fantastic baristas. "Bean Girls." Espresso. Another movie will uncover animosity in the orange juice business. Maybe I should call it "Pulp Friction." And he's examining vineyards and winemakers all over the globe. I'll call the film "Planet of the Grapes"!

"Just to be clear, this is a hike, not a ‘walk.’"

"Soy milk and rice milk are okay but I prefer grape milk.".

'The first rule of enjoying fine wine is to make sure you and the wine are in the same room.'

'The yeast cells are flocculating? - I don't think the kids are ready for that.'

Nouveau wine

"I love this work-from-home concept. Now I can fire someone without going to the office."

'I think we can skip the resume.'

Wine connoisseur in search of new vintage.(Wine)

Pumpkin Time!

"Now this is a Francis Ford Coppola. We still haven't been here quite long enough to be drinkable ourselves."

"Wine is plant-based food."

"It's something I made myself - chocolate covered veggies."

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

"To tourists this just looks like a pile of rotten and damaged grapes. But here at Trendy Vineyards, we look at it and see Special Select Reserve."

"Let me guess. You had it up to here with the world of business, so you packed it all in and started your own winery."

Man crushing grapes with flippers.

'I wasn't the smartest guy in the room, but I had the whitest teeth!'

'Move? Are you kidding? With the wines the guy next door collects?'

'Okay, so we had a rainy spring. If we can't make these grapes into wine, maybe we can sell them as water balloons.'