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Fagin in the condemned cell

Meet Stephen Krkzk Author of 'Why Conspiracy Theories Are Nonsense'

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

"I just found a unicorn! Apparently, they just want to be left alone."

Scarpia from Tosca

'Oh man, we are so lost...!'

"Wait, am I hear for you or are you here for me?"

Trilby - 'A voice he didn't understand'.

"Fantastic! Do you realize what we've just stumbled upon? It's the fabled Lost Glove Compartment of the Ancient Astronauts!"

'Tommy is in the other room playing with the triangle we bought him in Bermuda.'

'Look! There's a Zyzzkzkk!'

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

"Forget the palm dearie...I'll read yer race."

"You're using the boogeyman as an excuse to shut me out."

'Sweetie, I'm back from the dead!'

"I thought I'd come back YOUNG!"

More Pardons

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

Amateur Palmist

Nostradamus.

'Dang, it looks like they have found out about my plan to take over the world...'

'Good night darling...sweet nightmares.'

'You see? There are no Wall Street millionaires under your bed.'

"The fact that you're here means you will continue to make poor life decisions."

'You're experienced with blood stains I trust?' (Smarthy ACME Carpet Cleaners)

"I've made contact with your mother. She says she hates what you're wearing."

"Spirit! Are you a chatbot?"

'I'm bored with the Sisyphus channel. Switch to the Tantalus channel.'

You are everywhere.

'Go to Hell'

"This guilt complex is killing me!"