Village Fair Fan Gifts

Girl selling kisses at village fete is arrested by a vice squad officer.

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

William Shakespeare a.k.a. Francis Bacon, Earl of Essex....

Country Bumpkin.

Fist Bumper Cars

"This isn't the big city anymore, Jim. I'm the facilitator now."

'...and I only have eyes, for ewe...'

"I know you're a cow, but you're still hogging the covers!"

Abstract expressionist face painting.

Riding the Rollercoaster.

'That's cow. What do cows say, Jimmy? Cows say moo. Look Jimmy, a chicken.'

"Oh goody! It's just like the Columbian Exposition of 1893."

The Animal Researcher Reports...'I've been watching this herd of cattle for seven years, and to be frank, I haven't seen them do anything yet!'

A kid is about to be grabbed by an oversized claw.

Face Painting.

'For the last time, Megan, she won a blue ribbon at the Imperial Valley Fair... I mean, my hands are tied here.'

Knight with paint tin on his head.

Gardener of the Year.

Man in bumper car sees traffic cop on bumper-car style motorcycle

"Daisy, Daisy, I've seen the farmer filling in the forms: We're going to the Agricultural Show!"

Knight Supplies

"You're probably hot and I've gone on too long so I'll end with a story of the great pestilence."

'For heaven's sake, Armitage... Can't you just accept 2nd place in the best leek category??'

Scrambler.

Garrick as Richard 3rd.

'Arthur loves his new job with the fairground - gets a company car as well.'

"Roller coaster, 30 minutes. . . Ferris wheel, 15 minutes. . . Haunted House, 45 minutes. . ."

Annual Lump Festival Competition:'I don't know if I can give an award, they're all so fantastic..'

'The neighbors called to complain about your armor squeaking again.'

You must be this tall and this far apart to ride

Adaptability.

'I've known you a long time and it's time I told you the truth, I'm not really a person, I'm just a suit full of chickens..'

"It is progress, but I miss the thrill of the hunt!"

"You just can't let yourself go, can you!?"

Chicken Costume