Village Fair Aficionado Gifts

Annual Lump Festival Competition:'I don't know if I can give an award, they're all so fantastic..'

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

Country Bumpkin.

"Be sure to check out the rides. They're free, too, with the purchase of tickets."

'It's the same everywhere: body over brains.'

'This is my kind of place. You knock bottles off a table with a baseball and get a prize instead of time-out!'

Face Painting.

Tunnel of Like.

Abstract expressionist face painting.

'Our village cricket club' - An umpiring fireman responds to an emergency whilst holding all the cricket team's possessions.

'For heaven's sake, Armitage... Can't you just accept 2nd place in the best leek category??'

Tunnel of Love Just Friends.

Model Village/Realistic Model Village.

'We did it, Dad! We won the heaviest frog award!'

Kissing Booth. $1. Sniffing Booth. 1 biscuit.

State Fair. Fun. You won a ribbon in the eating contest? What for? Honorable munchin'!

'I'd like my £2.50 back'

'Well I don't see any white dots. . . However there are tiny devils in your throat poking your tonsils.'

"Why is it you always head back to the well?" "Making a wish always makes me feel swell!"

'Then the rich townies moved into the village.'

"The target, Lady - aim at the target!"

Things at the state fair that can give you heartburn...

'Well, once it's won the prize for Biggest Marrow I shall expect you to replace my fence!'

"I don't care about winning. I care about being the best cow I can be."

Minature Village - 'It's amazingly lifelike - nobody lives there.'

Boy asked what he admired most in the Crystal Palace answers the pies and ginger beer

A town in the middle ages.

"No fair!"

Before you leave...Do you have any feedback to help us improve our village?

The Artists Fall-Back Career 'It's an easy gig to get once you stop waxing.'

'What am I bid for this 1,000 pound llama?' The llama thinks; 'Great. Now EVERYONE knows I'm overweight.'

'A small village outside Budapest -February 16, 1407. The origin of life as we know it...'

Trade Fair.

The Big Ham.

Dental Floss.