Village Administrator Gifts

"So the goverments intent of stamping out rural crime.."

Prize vegetables.

"We seem to be spending more on defence than on things to defend"

"Who's got the hammer?"

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

Country Bumpkin.

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

Bureau to cut back on bureaucratic paperwork...

'It's not as picturesque as the old steeple but it's saving a fortune in electricity bills!'

A Young Boy Talking To An Old Gentleman.

social services cuts

Benefit mistakes cost one billion a year. Well in our defence we did get a lot of the numbers correct,they just weren't in the right order.

Church In and Out Trays 'Lord Giveth' and 'Taketh away'

"We've been campaigning for years to encourage central government to delegate more powers to local authorities..."

"What's this? Now we have to hunt, gather and collate?"

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

IOUs In The Church Collection Plate

Federal Departument of Edutainment.

Federal Agency to Eliminate Agencies

'It's the slump - looks like he's about to evolve it into a double-dip!'

'The trouble with you doctors is that you don't really understand what the NHS is for.'

"Can you wangle me some parental leave?"

'The trouble with electing a man on horseback is that somebody has to clean up after him.'

'Our village cricket club' - An umpiring fireman responds to an emergency whilst holding all the cricket team's possessions.

'One day, son, all this willy be yours...only by then it will have grown and grown...to hundreds of billions...it's called the cost of PFI.'

"Get the flock out of here!"

Budget cuts were beginning to bite at the local council

Man to Pastor: 'So, do the ushers come after me if I'm guilty of tithe evasion?'

"There's talk of a merger with London Zoo."

'Our church funds seem to be in the computer cloud of unknowing.'

"I'm starting to miss the summer people. It's been weeks since I glowered."

Vatican Car Park - Staff Parking Only

"When it comes to balancing the budget, unfortunately he has the minus touch."