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"They grow up so fast."

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

"Not to be a motion picture - will remain just a book'

Studies show foods work miracles!

"I'm the bad guy..."

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

Sales.

100 best beheadings

'See, dear, you can't believe everything you read. It says so right here on the internet!'

"Oh, goody. More reality-based crap."

'If I've learned anything, it's believe half of what's in the newspapers, and even less of what's in your e-mail.'

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

"I thought they introduced the witch a little late."

"Are these 'raw' facts or 'spun' facts?"

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

Rest in Peace Instant Replay

"'City Slickers' was O.K., but, let's face it, it was no 'Claire's Knee.'"

Lights Action Camera Justice

Have our P.R. people do a report on the beneficial effects of cyanide on river life.

The Court of Public Opinion

"This just in: Everything is worse."

'Welcome to 'All Sides of the Issues.' Here's our panel of commentators -- a communist, a socialist, a liberal, and a progressive....'

Danger Noodle tho bored

The Daily Fury

"I try to keep my classes relevant."

"We've managed to eliminate every problem except the public perception that we're heading in the wrong direction."

"Yeah, you're right, I'll cancel my subscription: the 'Predator Daily' is not the fair and balanced news outlet I thought it would be..."

A TV tank