Vice Conqueror Gifts

'My husband has given up drinking and smoking so I like to meet him at the bus to comfort him.'

'You should have taken up the game earlier.'

Woman forcing family to hike through hills.

"I love fast break business success."

Squash Courts - "Insurance anyone"

'That last hill was a bit steep!'

Firefigher arm-wrestling with a dragon.

"Congratulations, Figbert. I'm making you Vice President in charge of my wife's Honey-Do-List."

'I was all ready to deal with the military, but I never expected an IRS coup!'

' I see Brad's playing his new video game again.'

'I read that the ball is on the surface of the club for just 0.00035 of a second, so even when you take 100 shots to go around, you are only getting less than 1 second of golf for your money...'

"...and how do you feel about being labelled the new Great British hope?"

Golf Myths - The Perfect Game.

'Great putt. Lucky I hit the pin.'

"I ran out of answers before she ran out of questions."

Spring, 1998: The world of sports is paralyzed by an equipment managers' strike.

'The pro said my swing was out of this world.'

'It's the word MODERATE which scares me!'

"I just acquired absolute power and you've had it for quite a while now, so tell me... When does the absolute corruption start kicking in?"

It appeals to pride,greed,lust, sloth and envy, but we're overlooking gluttony and avarice.'

Cricket.

"With my handicap I can park just about anywhere I want to!"

Speleologist

Rafael Nadal

"How do you respond to critics who say you only play the backcourt?"

The Conquest

NBA Vampire

Learning to deal with road rage is really hard when the stupid therapist keeps cutting you off.

You gave performance enhancing drugs to the girls on the Team Caffeine Hoops Squad?! Mumble. How could you do that? How could you use artificial substances to make them stronger, faster and better athletes? How could you not give me any of the juice? And thus, driven by competitive zeal, society spun out of control. P.S. - To be continued. Next week: A shocking secret!

"Yes! I got one over! Woo-hoo!"

Kid rage.

Old man with a zimmer frame grittier

"These will make you feel like a kid again... especially when you can't remove the child-proof cap!"

'Drat, another hole-in-one. Pity really - I was looking forward to some putting practice.'

Rafael Nadal