Veterinary Humor Pillows

Dog wearing a cone around his waist: 'Hemorrhoids.'

I have learned how to solve most of these Sharpei dermatological problems...

"Probably not the best time for vacuuming."

Ice Cream Surgeon

"Do me next."

Cat croissant, cat baguette, cat muffin, cat turnover

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

"Yes, it's oil-paint: It's difficult to find water for watercolours around here..."

PSA Banter.

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

Snowmobull

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

Hey. Hey. Polly wants some folly.

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

"He's a dedicated lifter, but he always skips leg day."

"Now there's something you don't see everyday. How long have you been using dachshunds as sled dogs.?"

"Could you tell me how to get to cedar grove, New Jersey? I want to see where my grandfather was born."

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

Of Mice and Men.

'Who had the ocean whitefish and tua paté?'

Surprised chicken: 'I know. I can't believe it either.'

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

Cat plays an arcade game that involves shooting at gun into a mouse hole.

World Cup Fever

"Honk if you love me!"

"All you're doing is emboldening cats."