Veterinary Joke Enthusiast Pillows

"We gots worms."

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

"We're going to the Vet aren't we."

'There! Now he's tied to my satisfaction and ready for surgery!'

A classic case of 'Cow-Worm'.

Hypochondria Hospital

"I need a hip replacement but I believe they're looking at a dog replacement."

"Okay, which one of you called me CANDYASS?!"

Dog wearing a cone around his waist: 'Hemorrhoids.'

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

'Well, it's kind of an IV enema!'

Committee On Feline Healthcare

'If you had asked me I could have TOLD you that he bites.'

'Sure you can have another opinion but I still say you are a fat pig.'

I like a lot of witnesses around.

Of course you're feeling disgruntled. You've lost your voice.

"Please note nurse: healthy baby, next appointment in two weeks..."

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

'Any other symptoms besides difficulty in marking your territory'

Tinnitus.

'Hey, what do you want from me? As a primary care physician, ALL I DO is prescribe drugs and refer you to specialists.'

'James Herriot would never say a thing like that!'

Chiropodist is wearing a gas mask while treating a client.

'I see that somebody grabbed the bull by the horns.'

"While I'm not an internist...I'd say you coughed up your small intestines!"

"I got horse dewormer..."

"I'm afraid someone drank your sample."

Casey's Veterinarian Clinic and Taxidermy 'Either way you'll get your pet back.'

'Good grief. I think your body rejected your cornea transplant.'

'We may as well make use of you.'

"First they tell you you're going in to get your bunions fixed and the next thing you know you're barking like a girl."

'...windpuffs in front and a capped hock on the right rear...'

'Don't worry, it's just the anaesthetic...'

'But hey, who am I to complain?'

"Fortunately treatment will be relatively inexpensive since you have the generic form of the disease!"