Verbal Sparring Fan Gifts

"Unlike most children, little Natalie loved it when her parents would fight... Oh, snap! Dad, Mom just called you cheap! Are you just gonna take that?"

'You watch, I'm going to call him some right names this round!'

"Them's cat-fightin' words, Arlin!"

OMG.

"Sadie, I just heard they discovered lots of ancient cities buried hundreds of years ago in the jungles of Cambodia. They've each got weird geometric patterns outlining what may have been gardens. But no one really knows what they were used for. I guess what I'm asking you is... what were they used for? Y'know, since you were there to see them in their prime. They were used for ritual sacrifices of dullards. For educational purposes, I shall now perform one."

'Are you sure you saw my client do it? Let me remind you, it takes one to know one.'

Nature vs. Nietzsche.

"Ohhh... He's out all right!"

Man and Women in a Boxing Ring

"And now the winner will be determined by a duel."

A poison pen fights a poison mic.

Sweary Chef - A bad tempered chef swears at the fish he is about to prepare and the fish swears back.

'One pundit tonight is from a think tank, the other writes 'Books for Dummies'.'

'This chair ain't big enough for the two of us...'

'How am I? How long have you got?!'

'I went for a walk this morning...' - 'I ran 20 miles... uphill.' - '...and I had bran flakes for breakfast.' - 'Yeah, well I ate 19 sausages, 3 melons, and a horse.' - 'I'm going for a pee.' - 'I swear I could flood this place!!'

'At the Spoonerism cafe...' 'Ah - here comes my carrots and peas.'

"I've been thinking harder than you have, and my thought experiment disproves your thought experiment."

'What do you mean, 'you can read me like a book'? You've never read a book!'

'Remind me again darling - what were we just arguing about?'

'I've gone over the fight tapes and I think I've pinpointed your weakness.'

Sharp Tongue.

"Sweetie, words have the power to hurt. I'll teach you some of the most effective ones."

'Let's give him a couple more minutes, but it looks like we've got ourselves a bum who can't fight his way out of a paper bag.'

Chi Kick

Chemistry Trash Talk: 'I heard your mama thinks Pasteurized milk was named for Louis Pasteurize.'

"In this corner, a man who describes everything as 'Orwellian.' And in this corner, a guy who loves saying 'Kafka-esque!'"

'I say, Addison

World Ping-Pong Federation.

Sticky Kung-fu

At the international middle-weight dissing championships.

"He didn't have to get snippy about it!"

Boxing.

"I've never been a quitter - I've been sacked from every job I've had..."