Verbal Humor Expert Pillows

'To summarize: the visual joke brings on a very fast reaction, but the verbal joke is remembered longer.'

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"You're going to hate yourself."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

'It appears he hit an iceberg.' (A LETTUCE)

A Copy Editor and His Dog

"Sorry I'm late. I overslept." "Is that even a real word?"

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

'When we all get together, we sure are vulgar.'

Vegan Restaurant: ''amburgers! Sausages! RISSOLES!'

'Actually, I think my use of hyperbole is not only iconoclastic, it is potentially revolutionary.'

Champagne at the hunt

"I'll have a man overboard!"

'We seem to have more luck getting people to accept cookies rather than broccoli when they visit websites.'

'If asked, we should all agree that this seminar never happened.'

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

"We don't have knock-knock jokes on Christmas."

Cowboy in Old West boasts of having shot a guy for ending a sentence in a preposition.

'Warspeak department' making up new military terminology.

"Sopranos", "Tenors", "Basses"

"You're not just a number here. You're a number who hasn't been fired yet."

"It's the drink talking"

'Try hitting him harder.' 'Is that all you have to say?' 'Try hitting him harder, PLEASE.'

"The nomenclature of 'political correctness' is devisive and opens the profession to ridicule!"

'Turner don't use that expression 'Pie int he sky' its sounds ridiculous and don't point!'

A day in the life of a serial mis-pronouncer.

"The tests confirm it...you don't have a serious bone in your body!"

'I could murder a pint!'

Bomb Pronouns