Humor Specialist Pillows

'This is going to hurt me more than it is you.. I've got Arthritis on my shoulder.'

'Basic research' 'Trivial research'.

Early phone sex lines - 'I'm lifting my petticoat...and there's my ankle!'

'Enough, Hank. I'm tired of pulling your finger.'

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"Looks like we found the issue."

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"This position has become very important to the company."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

'That's our mission statement.'

Copycats

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."