Humor Specialist Pillows

'This is going to hurt me more than it is you.. I've got Arthritis on my shoulder.'

'Basic research' 'Trivial research'.

Early phone sex lines - 'I'm lifting my petticoat...and there's my ankle!'

Wine. Uh-huh, I got a fake phone! I know! I can talk to myself all day and not one knows I'm nutty as a bag of trail mix!

'Enough, Hank. I'm tired of pulling your finger.'

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

"Looks like we found the issue."

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"This position has become very important to the company."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

'That's our mission statement.'

Copycats

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."