Vegas Vacationer Pillows

'This is the third one today. Why can't the gynecologists have their convention someplace other than Vegas?'

'Sorry, but the Court does not recognize the principle of 'what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas'.'

'...just until we get back from Vegas.' (Couple handing in laon application)

Twelvis

Vas Vegas Toilet - Looks like Fruit Machine.

'That's the wine you want? I don't believe we have one with a label depicting you water-skiing naked in Vegas.'

Planning for retirement in a casino.

'It's like shooting fish in a barrel, except you're in Vegas and the barrel's in New York.'

You Are Now Entering Las Vegas. Lock Your Car And Open Your Wallet

'What do you mean, there's no casino here? Your franchise in Vegas has one.'

'Sorry, folks - no drinking at the bar - video poker only.'

'Doesn't the book say I'm supposed to hit on a ten?'

Penn and Teller

'They say that poker is a sport. I hope they don't start testing for steroids.'

'Sorry, this machine only takes small bills.'

Viva Las Vegas.

'I hadn't realized we passed into Nevada.'

'I have a hunch the dealer's gonna bust. I'm taking a card.'

Church of the high roller.

"Every time your mother puts a bill in the machine and change comes out, she thinks she hit a jackpot!"

Sucker.

Las Vegas. Lost and Found. Sorry, all we have are shirts.

"I can't even deal."

Zombie standup

"Now you've seen the bust how about letting me see Naples?"

'Oh, rustic used to mean 'no indoor plumbing', but now it means, 'No computers'!'

'This is where we go to get away from it all. . . except for Stanley's money.'

"I'm telling you, those are not abs!"

"You just had to book the economy cruise, didn't you?"

'That's funny, everybody else is going downstream.'

'After the tone, please leave your name and number.'

"The food here is excellent- what time is breakfast?"

"Mom said never use that dirty 4-letter word on vacation...DIET."

"Yaffle: For the funny bone in you"

Take your time coming back...they're looking for scapegoats.