Frequent Vegas Visitors Pillows

'We have slots in the lobby, blackjack at the pool and keno in the cafe - however, I'm afraid we don't allow craps in the restrooms.'

Zombie standup

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Cut out and keep your own Frank Sinatra.

'According to this book, the casino has a slight edge in this game.'

'They say that poker is a sport. I hope they don't start testing for steroids.'

'What do you mean - you 'LET him win'?'

Casino. Keno. $$$. Win. Cashier. He sure wins a lot! He's "Keno Savvy."

'In the 20 minutes it took for the pit boss to come back with a comp for the $10 buffet, I lost another $500.'

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

'You only said to bring home a feather duster. You never said what kind.'

Business-Class.

Site of new Super Gamblers Anonymous.

December 26 - Vegas, office (post) Christmas party.

"They said whatever you left in Las Vegas, stays in Las Vegas."

'Hey, that's a bad roll. Let's try that again.'

"Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show."

'Las Vegas: What happens here, is a lot less than what was happening here two years ago.'

'Sunglasses? Silly hats? Face cards?'

'Our ceiling is under repair--sorry.'

US Airlines

'This is the third one today. Why can't the gynecologists have their convention someplace other than Vegas?'

'Nothing really happened in Vegas, but my money stayed there.'

"We've been from sea to shining sea! Why don't you admit you're lost!"

'I've seen this kind of thing before. In Vegas, I believe.'

Jonathan Bugsy Seagull

Too Much?

Elvis impersonator, managed by Col. Parker's nephew, Eddie.

'You should take one -- you could only improve your hand.'

You Are Now Entering Las Vegas. Lock Your Car And Open Your Wallet

'I know that you've come away with a small fortune. But you went in with a big one!'

'Sorry, folks - no drinking at the bar - video poker only.'

'Not only am I a frequent flyer, I'm a frequent waiter.'

Ask Sadie. I am getting divorced and I moved to Vegas. Do you think that's a smart move? - Jim. *Actual reader letter. Jim, this is a great question. One I get all the time. You do? Really? Oh yes, people are always asking me for my advice after they've already done something. You're about to yell. What do you need me for if you've already moved, you !@#$ dillweed? She gives that answer all the time.

'I was ahead the entire trip, until I took a shot at the double-or-nothing checkout option.'