Frequent Vegas Visitors Pillows

'We have slots in the lobby, blackjack at the pool and keno in the cafe - however, I'm afraid we don't allow craps in the restrooms.'

Zombie standup

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

'According to this book, the casino has a slight edge in this game.'

'They say that poker is a sport. I hope they don't start testing for steroids.'

'What do you mean - you 'LET him win'?'

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

'In the 20 minutes it took for the pit boss to come back with a comp for the $10 buffet, I lost another $500.'

'You only said to bring home a feather duster. You never said what kind.'

December 26 - Vegas, office (post) Christmas party.

Site of new Super Gamblers Anonymous.

Business-Class.

US Airlines

'Sunglasses? Silly hats? Face cards?'

'Hey, that's a bad roll. Let's try that again.'

'Our ceiling is under repair--sorry.'

"Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show."

'Las Vegas: What happens here, is a lot less than what was happening here two years ago.'

'This is the third one today. Why can't the gynecologists have their convention someplace other than Vegas?'

'Nothing really happened in Vegas, but my money stayed there.'

'I've seen this kind of thing before. In Vegas, I believe.'

Jonathan Bugsy Seagull

"We've been from sea to shining sea! Why don't you admit you're lost!"

'I know that you've come away with a small fortune. But you went in with a big one!'

'You should take one -- you could only improve your hand.'

You Are Now Entering Las Vegas. Lock Your Car And Open Your Wallet

'Not only am I a frequent flyer, I'm a frequent waiter.'

'Sorry, folks - no drinking at the bar - video poker only.'

Too Much?

'I was ahead the entire trip, until I took a shot at the double-or-nothing checkout option.'

"Yeah, but the one in Vegas has an endless shrimp buffet."