Vegan Virtuoso T-Shirts

"All the entrées are vegan, but they taste as good as endangered species."

"How almond milk is made"

Tofu

"You ever notice how Vegans use more grains, soy, and noun modifiers than most other cooks do?"

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

Veggie Hall of Fame.

'How many vegetables died for your stupid salad?'

"It's lactose-free! It's chemistry-free! It's free from animal by-products! It's the milk without milk!!!"

"My wife and I are now practising vegans!"

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

"States of tofu"

Allotment

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

Queen of Quinoa

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

'So glad you could make our vegetarian BBQ.'

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

"Two vegans, please."

Give quiche a chance!

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

'Perfect. Do you deliver?'

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

'You may not feel any healthier right away, but you'll definitely feel more smug.'

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

"Vegetables, vegetables, vegetables, welcome to my dystopian world!"

Vegetable Cook

Excellent crop! What's your secret?

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

'Preparing rocket salad isn't domestic science, ladies.'

"I don't care if it's plant-based, you're creeping everyone out."

-A garden uses a lot of water. -Most of it perspiration.

Planting veggies

Mom's restaurant - 'You can't leave until you've eaten your greens.'

'Because Thanksgiving is about a bountiful harvest. That's why we have to eat all these vegetables.'