Vapor Skeptic Gifts

Vaper's cough!

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

'Have you tried out new Labrador Retriever Butt Scent?'

Organic foods stand manned by stallholder using fly spray.

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.

Pollution Look

Dog fetching slippers with a peg on his nose.

"Huh! Never a miracle vaccine when you want one - then three come along at the same time - bloody typical!"

Doing Something About the Weather

"And that was the news. . . But please feel free to go online and vent your spite, spread your conspiracy theories and promote your ill-informed opinions. . ."

"I suppose you heard about the crazy smoker who wound in a menthol hospital?"

Alternative Accountants

'Just stop for a minute. Smell that pine scent. Drink in the view. I don't think we could pick a better site for our 'Mega-Mall'!'

'Call me crazy, but I'm not reassured...'

"Ah, we meet again, my old nemesis."

"I gave up fire breathing and switched to vaping."

"I've got about 3 more inches before I'm willing to get reading glasses."

PERSONNEL, 'Your resume has everything but verisimilitude.''

'I'll bet this would be more fun on a computer.'

PERFUMES, 'It's really just a sales gimmick, but we make everybody sign a waiver.'

Smokers.

'Nature makes me nervous!'

'Isn't it bad for you?...no I haven't managed to light one yet!'

Sandwiches - We use 100% natural cardboard for bread.

"Eureka...it's the 'natural' flavour we've been looking for."

'I don't care about your stinking study. This time, it better not be the placebo.'

'This whole 'grandparent' thing -- it's our parents and children conspiring against us!'

"Grown men! There's no such thing, Molly."

'I removed the sugar, artificial flavors, coloring, preservatives, and additives. Now the eight ounce box weighs four ounces.'

"So is this the fun part, or will there be even bigger bugs sticking to my face soon?"

Extreme Vaping

'I don't know... Adam's not really into organics!"

Smoking jackets outide menswear shop

'We just don't get involved with things like double-blind tests and peer review. We're just a little mom-and-pop laboratory.'

"I am allergic to pesticide-free food."