Vanity Seeker T-Shirts

'I must warn you that beauty is in the eye of the beholder...'

Ears and Nostril Shampoo.

"Mommy makeovers"

'The sport's still a mystery to me. I just found out that I look great in uniform.'

'Do you remove tattoos...?'

'It's Mrs Palmer. She's set solid.'

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

'Be ready in a minute - just have to put on my face.'

Man admiring his patterned clothes in the mirror

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

'Maybe a helium boob job wasn't such a good idea,babe!'

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

Insecurities of the Bald Eagle.

'You certainly lived a remarkable life. Any chance you'll get over yourself?'

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

'You're on Deck! Wilson! Hurry up with that pedicure!'

Man brushing the teeth of his reflection.

TV-Mirror.

Vanity artist

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

'Mommy puts on a disguise every time, before she goes to work.'

'Cosmetic surgery.'

"...And please let at least one person admire my new hat!"

"Look at me, everyone! I'm amazing!"

'If you ain't broke, I'll fix it.'

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

'I turn the other cheek more now that Botox has made it wrinkle-free.'

'I like to stay fit. Or at least wear a lot of lycra.'

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

'Get the 'extra hold' bear spray. I want to look good when we come out of hibernation.'