Vanity Philosopher T-Shirts

"I agree with you on everything."

"Would you look at the carrot on that guy!"

You can't get by on your looks forever.

'I think that I'm beginning to lose my mane.'

'Your sister's wearing well for her age. I hope I look that good when I'm ten.'

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

The Selfie of Dorian Gray

Surfer Blowing Back His Hair.

"And now. . . which shoes?"

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

INSTANT GREY HAIR TREATMENT.

'I'm having a bad whisker day.'

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

'Still workin' on the beard, Jerry?'

'You're on Deck! Wilson! Hurry up with that pedicure!'

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

"...And please let at least one person admire my new hat!"

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

'Cosmetic surgery.'

TV-Mirror.

'Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's is the fairest arse of all?'

Krest Yellow Strips. (Rat performs dental hygiene.)

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'

'If you ain't broke, I'll fix it.'

'Your new teeth whitener is keeping me up.'

The caricature of Dorian Gray

'Get the 'extra hold' bear spray. I want to look good when we come out of hibernation.'

"Maybe if I put these under my pillow I'll get a visit from the hair fairy."

'Does my posterior appear oversized in this?'

"Does my brain look big in this?"

Toupee in a tin.

'A crack team of scientists searches tirelessly for a cure for baldness.'

'I know how you feel.'