Vanity Curator Gifts

'Seth, please bring me a copy of every search engine article that mentions my name in a favorable light. I need an ego boost.'

Surfer Blowing Back His Hair.

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

Shoe addict.

"And now. . . which shoes?"

Man admiring his patterned clothes in the mirror

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

"You won't believe this but I haven't a thing to wear"

'Maybe a helium boob job wasn't such a good idea,babe!'

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

'I'm having a bad whisker day.'

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

Insecurities of the Bald Eagle.

'Still workin' on the beard, Jerry?'

'You certainly lived a remarkable life. Any chance you'll get over yourself?'

'You're on Deck! Wilson! Hurry up with that pedicure!'

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

Hat Boxes, in the Closet

'Cosmetic surgery.'

"And that's me as a shepherdess!"

"...And please let at least one person admire my new hat!"

Krest Yellow Strips. (Rat performs dental hygiene.)

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

'Mommy puts on a disguise every time, before she goes to work.'

A woman and her home simultaneously achieve 'casual'.

"Look at me, everyone! I'm amazing!"

TV-Mirror.

'Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's is the fairest arse of all?'

'If you ain't broke, I'll fix it.'

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

'I turn the other cheek more now that Botox has made it wrinkle-free.'

'Your new teeth whitener is keeping me up.'

'Nobody special, but rich enough to build this statue of himself.