Vanity Appreciators T-Shirts

"I'm not actually 40 this year but that's the birthday I celebrate every year."

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

Man admiring his patterned clothes in the mirror

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

'Maybe a helium boob job wasn't such a good idea,babe!'

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

"Hair spray"

Insecurities of the Bald Eagle.

'You're on Deck! Wilson! Hurry up with that pedicure!'

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

Man brushing the teeth of his reflection.

'Mommy puts on a disguise every time, before she goes to work.'

"...And please let at least one person admire my new hat!"

Vanity artist

"Look at me, everyone! I'm amazing!"

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

TV-Mirror.

'If you ain't broke, I'll fix it.'

'I turn the other cheek more now that Botox has made it wrinkle-free.'

'Get the 'extra hold' bear spray. I want to look good when we come out of hibernation.'

"The selfie of Dorian Gray"

'I like to stay fit. Or at least wear a lot of lycra.'

'I know how you feel.'

"There's something you should consider before you begin—my hair works hard and it plays hard."

Extreme Vanity Press - Fall, 2007

Tanning Machine on the beach

'Ben believes looking suave is the most important part of fly fishing.'

Stars Without Make-Up.

Bill Jones - Bill Jones w/out makeup

'Having limited funds, Irwin goes with the less expensive chest hair transplant.'

The Paper Silhouette Editor