Vanity Aficionado T-Shirts

'Celebrity autobiography editing'

'I know how you feel.'

'Arthur! When are you going to start accepting the passage of time?'

Extreme Vanity Press - Fall, 2007

'Oh, come on. . . you can't tell me Dasher hasn't had antler enhancement surgery!'

Man admiring his patterned clothes in the mirror

'Make-Up'

"The truth is, I got sick and tired of expensive hairpieces that ended up LOOKING like rugs, and one thing just led to another!"

Tanning Machine on the beach

Pitcher Vern 'Spike' Grove, after his arm and leg surgery has cosmetic surgery to appear more chiseled and athletic-looking.

'Mommy puts on a disguise every time, before she goes to work.'

'I'd love to take a bath in milk. . . No, up to my neck.'

Stars Without Make-Up.

'And this one is for first thing in the morning.'

Why it's called 'Makeup'...

'He keeps looking in the mirror. He must be a glutton for punishment!'

Bill Jones - Bill Jones w/out makeup

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

'Nobody minds if I take the ocean view suite with complimentary champagne and Sven, the in-room Swedish masseur, do they?'

"How much?! Blimey, to get my money's worth, I'd need to use it EVERY WEEK!"

"Really? You can make me look younger!"

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

Insecurities of the Bald Eagle.

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

'Still workin' on the beard, Jerry?'

'He wants a second opinion.'

'You're on Deck! Wilson! Hurry up with that pedicure!'

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

TV-Mirror.

"...And please let at least one person admire my new hat!"

In the shaving cut operating room of a hospital.

Krest Yellow Strips. (Rat performs dental hygiene.)

"Look at me, everyone! I'm amazing!"

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'