Vacation Misadventures Gifts

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

Holiday time.

Halfway across the Hudson River Billy Joe realized he wasn't going to Elvis Island.

"Frank and Sheila finally get off the beaten path."

"I neeeeeeed neeeeeeed neeeeeeed my iPhone!"

Excess Baggage: You never have to worry about finding your way around those humongous new cruise ships. Your stomach will lead you.

'No, no, no. You guys are way off! This isn't even the cat. You guys are on the dog.'

"Trust me, come low tide everyone will want these seats."

When placed in the hands of the right person on a long vacation, even egg salad could be a deadly weapon.

'Your first cruise then, mate?'

The island paradise is the same as on the brochure, just a tad smaller than he thought.

'I think we floated a little 'too far' down stream.'

The vacation rental agency is saying technically that's a "lap pool," so we can't get our money back.

'but apart from that, I had a fantastic time - and the Eiffel Tower was amazing!'

"But Darling you always wanted to swim with dolphins"

"Han stuffed himself with Kessel's fried Bantha tacos and now he's got the Kessel runs."

'Billy, how many times have I told you to get your thumb out of your mouth? Betty, for heaven's sake, brush your hair out of your eyes.' 'An annoying auto-focus camera.'

"Maybe we should nail down the Slip 'N' Slide."

Man is mugged in the snow and then mugged again by the same person when on holiday.

'I've got to get away from Christmas... I've got to get away...'

I'm sorry, sir, the body scanner doesn't work at the moment. Would you please undress and lie down here?'

"You're holding the map upside-down."

"Without question, you're a big improvement on our last tour rep."

"Crap – we brought the wrong car."

'We're cruising the Bermuda Triangle this year.'

Terminal 5 lost luggage ID department.

'Joke shop' 'Un-treated sewage blobs'

'First, file a lawsuit against 'island getaways, inc.' then, get us outa here!'

'Now that's what I call a tourist attraction.'

I told him not to drink the water on this planet.

'For me, this was just a bad time share swap.'

"We went on a week's holiday and it only rained twice - once for 3 days and the other time for 4!"

'Do you still think ten dollars is too steep, you cheapskate?'

'I'm sorry for being fresh. It's what I do.'

Sand Castle Siege