Utensil Explorer T-Shirts

The secret lives of household things.

"Tour de Frank"

"Fred, I think you're spending altogether too much time down here with these mushrooms!"

'This is embarrassing. By MY calculations, the universe should have collapsed in on itself last Wednesday.'

Naked Mole Rat

It's not a bad planet -- Their talk shows make it seem a lot worse than it is.

"I'll bet you're very proud of your handsome, well-behaved little sporks here."

"Let us be a city under a hill, for all the world not to see."

'They played 'Digging' the whole afternoon: They had lots of fun !'

Nano technology.

"Right - that's my laptop, my laptop charger...my kindle, my kindle charger....my iphone, my iphone charger...my ipad, my ipad charger...all my spare batteries and spare chargers...hmmm, I don't seem to have any room for my clothes..."

Subway Library

Homing Beatnik

"Is nuclear power the frying pan or the fire?"

'Press this button and you can watch the food cook in HD!'

'Step one inexploring a newly discovered cave- wade thru the bat guano.'

"I brought a new can opener, but let's save the old one in case we ever need a broken can opener."

"I know the stew has clumps of dirt!" What do you expect living in this hole?"

Next Train - Can you all come back tomorrow?

The Big Bang Theory Revisited

'I found a whole bunch of worms in the wheel wells!'

"The country might not suit a city boy like you. We've got coyotes instead of doormen and feelings have no meaning here."

'Entropy already? You just made it.'

'Nothing is what it seems down here. Most people are nudist speleologists, but I lobby for the pharmaceutical industry.'

Did you see that documentary on prairie dogs last night?

"It's our neighbor. He wants to borrow our GPS tracker."

Teacher Shortage/Brain Shortage

'No, you want the next one, change at Camden Town.'

I've found it! It was in the bread box! You've found the lost cellphone! SMASH! CRASH BOP! SMASH! Today's feature is offered as a catharsis for anyone who has ever lost a cellphone and been forced to listen to its low-battery beep from some undiscovered place. SMASH. Final beep (Death).

Dorian Gray views a Selfie

That's a salad pitchfork, Bob.

'I hope you're a member of the miners' union.'

'Could you tell the court if you recognize this.'

"No wonder I feel dizzy. As I lie here I'm travelling at 1000 mph due to the rotation of the earth and at 67000 mph as the earth goes round the sun and I've just read the whole solar system is moving..."

"That's the one-under, the one-under of you..."