Us Marshal Pillows

Marshal, when you said you were going to clean up this town, we thought you meant...'

High security Santa's grotto

"Some fitting room. Nothing fits!"

Island of Lost Guys.

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"Well, I have an opening in Cloverdale Mall ... let me hear you say Ho Ho Ho."

Pirates at the mall.

"Kid!! We know you're in there!!! Either come out or commence to fightin'!!!!"

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

Customer Convention

'You got a search warrant, sheriff?'

The Lawman

'I've decided I'm going to be a fireman when I grow up.'

'Now, you can SWASH, and you can BUCKLE, but you can't SWASHBUCKLE.'

Justice

Hip-hop cops on stage.

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

"Not guilty"

'That's for false alarms...'

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

Counsel examining witness

"That's right, think of yourself all the time! I'm the one who will be losing a client for the next twenty years."

"The blaze has taken hold on the eight floor Chief. The C.E.O., V.P. and C.O.O. are trapped in the boardroom!!"

"Watch yourself Sheriff....Looks like Billy the Kid is back in town!"

"Do you swear you haven't embroidered the truth in your testimony today?"

"In a surprising turn of events, the end testifies against the means."

Judge

Count Von Moltke.

'Oh yeah. He's the fastest in the west alright. The fastest out of town, at the first sight of trouble.'

"Six fact checkers spontaneously combusting in one election cycle? Yeah, I am starting to see a pattern, Higgins."

'Wow. The anti-smoking movement really has been successful.'

"Gee, Marshal, he must have been one of the good guys"

Barrister pointing out dozing judge to the jury

'...and that M'tud, concludes the case for the prosecution.'

'I feel so much safer with an air marshal on board.'