Urban Life Commentator Gifts

Reserved crime scene.

'The meek don't want it!'

Next Suicide - 3 mins.

'Don't you just love fast track justice?'

Santa's sleigh is being towed - 'No sleigh parking'.

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

"It keeps it out of sight when we're not watching it."

'It's not easy to get one of these - before that you have to have found a parking space!'

Demonic Repossession.

From Here You Can See Bugger All

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

"Is there someone have called Frobisher?"

"No way! You're a telemarketer?! This is so great – hold on, I want to get comfortable ... how did you get my number?"

"The doctor wants you to point to where it hurts."

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

Our Troubled Chowders

Sculptor explaining to tourist in Trafalgar Square that sculpture of pigeon is called 'Retribution - it actually doubles as a giant privy!'

'I was texting when my pop spilled on my laptop, which made me drop my iPod. So you see, officer, it wasn't my fault. Blame technology.'

"I know there are people who look like their pets, but..."

"This is the main house, plus there's a cottage on the property where your Lyft driver would live."

"Better idea! Let's obstruct traffic in the guy's neighborhood and make his morning commute difficult!"

'We're looking for a wifi hotspot.'

"Scan my own items, bag my own food? If I wanted to work here, I'd fill out an application!"

"Please help! God struck me blind for not giving to a blind beggar."

"I'm pretty sure there's a Starbucks on the other side of that big rock."

"It just doesn't crackle like the one on Netflix."

"Meaning of life!!" "Meaning of 'Game of Thrones' series finale"

"The public's taste in entertainment has certainly changed."

'Everyone's depressed after income tax week, Cathy.'

"How am I rampaging?"

Wendel maps his trip to the germaphobe society headquarters.

"Thrown under the bus stop."

"Would you like to take your old face?"