Upstairs-downstairs Fan Gifts

"Oh, for crying out loud, Saunders — pet the dog."

I like this one. Do you have it in blue?

If you want to play fetch with the dog, throw your own @#^* arm.

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.

'Actually, I was thinking more in terms of a temporary position.'

I'm buying a house. You're broke. So? the interest rate plans are amazing. The banks are giving money away. Besides, the housing market is going nuts. If I buy today, I can sell next year for a huge profit. I suddenly feel faint. You look ill, Mr. Powell.

"Did we just paint the house or did it just paint us?!"

We got the adult version. Sip 'N Slide.

'My hubby is getting better at D.I.Y. . . . Oh yes, he now spends more on screws than plasters.'

'Of course, the self-cleaning models tend to cost a little more.'

Oh, yeah, we love having a walk-out basement.

"We've townsized."

"God must have been very pleased."

'You sure we can't afford another ladder?'

"I found this place on Waterbnb."

"That fly paper's paid for itself."

"Buy a bunch of these tiny houses. When you need something bigger, they're stackable!"

'Luxury box.'

'All I said was,'do you want decking,sir?'

Avon lady (selling foundation cream) tapping a builder on the shoulder.

'Bill, in the country it's a CELLAR not a BASEMENT! I won't come down 'til you use the proper term.'

After an argument they always kissed and made up.

"Ooh, nice! Hardwood floors!"

"If I win, I'm taking my payments over the next 30 years!"

"I thought something was funny on our wedding night, I took off my dress, and he put it on."

'I think it's time to clean out the refrigerator.'

REALTY, 'It's a fixer-upper.'

Fall in Canada

Episcopalian Flue Jab.

Man nails in a picture of boxing wearing boxing gloves.

Custer's last nightstand.

'This fashion for quirky kit is going too far, don't you think, Joe?'

'What would it cost to change it into a one-way glass house?'

The sad man carries a smiling face mask

Elevator Out Of Order