Upstairs-downstairs Fan Gifts

"Oh, for crying out loud, Saunders — pet the dog."

I like this one. Do you have it in blue?

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.

'Actually, I was thinking more in terms of a temporary position.'

'My hubby is getting better at D.I.Y. . . . Oh yes, he now spends more on screws than plasters.'

"Did we just paint the house or did it just paint us?!"

'Of course, the self-cleaning models tend to cost a little more.'

'You sure we can't afford another ladder?'

"God must have been very pleased."

"That fly paper's paid for itself."

"I found this place on Waterbnb."

'Luxury box.'

"Buy a bunch of these tiny houses. When you need something bigger, they're stackable!"

'All I said was,'do you want decking,sir?'

Avon lady (selling foundation cream) tapping a builder on the shoulder.

'Bill, in the country it's a CELLAR not a BASEMENT! I won't come down 'til you use the proper term.'

After an argument they always kissed and made up.

"If I win, I'm taking my payments over the next 30 years!"

"I thought something was funny on our wedding night, I took off my dress, and he put it on."

'I think it's time to clean out the refrigerator.'

"Ooh, nice! Hardwood floors!"

REALTY, 'It's a fixer-upper.'

Episcopalian Flue Jab.

'What would it cost to change it into a one-way glass house?'

Man nails in a picture of boxing wearing boxing gloves.

'This fashion for quirky kit is going too far, don't you think, Joe?'

The sad man carries a smiling face mask

Elevator buttons: Up, Down, or Shake it all Around.

Elevator Out Of Order