Upsell Artist Gifts

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

"Ikea for hippies" 1. Flimsig used pallets, old foam 2. Stinkum goat wool 3. Beetup recycled lumber 4. Riskig kerosene lamp 5. Stupor hand blown by Nils 6. Smokum found on beach in Mendocino 7. Woblig 100% driftwood

Bottle Bank: For the Colour Blind.

That's supposed to say garage sale!

'I'm thinking the bee beard is the main reson that you're still single'

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

'The Prom Dress: One Week Later'

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

Dogs Must Be On A Leash.

'I'll take the one on the right.'

'Do you do anything with the old casks?'

Recycling - Perfectly good bits you can't recycle or give away...

The Goal Post-Impressionists,

Thank you for deferring your response.

Man visits palm reader with 'Doing Anything Tonight?' written on his hands.

'Muriel makes all her own clothes out of junk mail.'

"I made it from a lost space probe."

Statistics Research: You Can Fool 45% of the People 55% of the time, but you can't fool all the people all the time.

How to recover from a bad day

"Deputy, round up a posse, I can't find my phone."

"Why can't you just buy some modern LED lights?"

'I need to get a bigger place.'

Pretending To Care

Second hand store: 'LEFTOVERS AGAIN!'

Man saying 'Bless you!' to a Big Issue vendor.

"He was right about saving that box. It did come in handy."

'I'm getting ready for mating season.'

'Wanna help make sure we don't become an endangered species?'

"Here's your gift. It's made from 100% recycled materials."