Upscale Diner Gifts

"We'd like a quiet table for two where my wife can justify spending three grand on a handbag."

"The house of Chardonnay, sir - it's a young wine and a bit fruit forward."

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"I'll have the drum an sea bass, the house salad and the techno nachos!"

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

"Can I get this to go in an organic, locally recycled, eco-friendly doggie bag?"

"For drinks or dinner?"

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

Dali Chooses a Lobster

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

"One spaghetti, and two straws please."

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

'The customer is always right...'

Dave's Hamburger Shop

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

"Fresh pepper?"

"Why don't I start you off with the contact information of everyone who's read those menus over the last 14 days?"

"When I eat out, I like to order something I would never make at home."

"My apologies, but that's not a meatball. That's my computer mouse. I've been looking for it."

Turtle Home

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

'I'm afraid things are rather confused around here today, sir- the Soup of the Day is a grilled-cheese sandwich'

'And for the Queen of Whiny Eaters, two pieces of bologna, cut into quarter-inch squares, coated with Abe's Barbecue Sauce...'

Road Kill Cafe.

Man eating his meal with his feet.

"There's a free pudding for whoever finds the Chef's glass eye."

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

"Siri, am I ready to take a look at the dessert menu?"

'Waiter...!' (there is a human in my soup)

"Dinner looks delicious."

Sorry, that's probably one of mine.

' Well..She did it to me again.'

"There are no animal products in our dishes, but since the meals are prepared by animals, you may find some stray hairs."