Upscale Diner Gifts

"We'd like a quiet table for two where my wife can justify spending three grand on a handbag."

"The house of Chardonnay, sir - it's a young wine and a bit fruit forward."

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"I'll have the drum an sea bass, the house salad and the techno nachos!"

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

"Can I get this to go in an organic, locally recycled, eco-friendly doggie bag?"

Dali Chooses a Lobster

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

"One spaghetti, and two straws please."

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

"For drinks or dinner?"

'The customer is always right...'

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

Dave's Hamburger Shop

"Fresh pepper?"

"My apologies, but that's not a meatball. That's my computer mouse. I've been looking for it."

"Why don't I start you off with the contact information of everyone who's read those menus over the last 14 days?"

"When I eat out, I like to order something I would never make at home."

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

Turtle Home

Man eating his meal with his feet.

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

'Waiter...!' (there is a human in my soup)

'I'm afraid things are rather confused around here today, sir- the Soup of the Day is a grilled-cheese sandwich'

"Siri, am I ready to take a look at the dessert menu?"

Road Kill Cafe.

"There's a free pudding for whoever finds the Chef's glass eye."

"Dinner looks delicious."

' Well..She did it to me again.'

"There are no animal products in our dishes, but since the meals are prepared by animals, you may find some stray hairs."

Menu.

"Menu?? You mean you haven't downloaded our App?"