Upper Management Gifts

"As C.E.O., I try to look at the big picture, while J.G., as president, sees to the day-to-day operations."

"I've finally learned not to measure my worth by how many employees I have."

"Excuse me-those performance reviews were supposed to be anonymous."

"If you are amenable to that offer, I am prepared to respond with this facial expression."

"Who'da thunk guys like us would ever have found ourselves looking forward to Social Security like this?"

"Until you're top management, Warrick, I strongly suggest you stay within the lines."

'We should know soon. He's just running the numbers by upper management.'

"I'll have the Master of Business Administration Lunch."

Executelepathy

"If you change your mind, Replansky, we'll be down at the senior partners' swimming' hole."

"Taking credit for somebody else's work? Why, Ferguson – that's how I started out."

"Care to give to the fund to help save your job?"

"Another week, another dollar. It seems like life is nothing but work, work, work! But there's nothing wrong with that! I like being busy. And boy, I'm always busy!"

"And remember, my door is always open."

Reserved for upper management only

"As your new CEO, I hereby change 'deadline' to 'soft squiggle.'"

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"This position has become very important to the company."

Occu-Pie Mars

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"He likes it."

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

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'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"Oh dear...I don't think negotiations are going too well..."

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'

'It's a senior management position. We need someone who can listen politely, and then say no.'

'Let's hope the new norm means that less really is more.'

"C'mon people! All for me and me for me!"

Desk plaque: 'P. Burnside, Upper-Echelon Nincompoop'