Upgrading Kitchen T-Shirts

"I've been trying for ages to get that old skinflint to buy me a modern cooker!"

Come dine with me!

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

'Can you tell me how my new kitchen is coming along?'

Flour, sugar, earth, air, fire, water.

'It's all homemade.'

"Oh no I left my bagpipes in the oven."

Recipe involving the switching off of the smoke alarm...

'And a special feature on this model is the diet ice cubes.'

"Do we really need the interactive garbage disposer?"

"Well..I think the old Thermograph machine I rescued from work goes a treat with our kitchen units."

'Harry won't even build me a new kitchen.'

"All new appliances, brand new subway tile backsplash and a unique kitchen island; notice those coconuts!"

A Matryoshka dolls putting an oven in an oven

TV: widescreen 16x9 versus 4x3.

Cooking

"This is our high-traffic, reinforced, heavy-duty model."

"Honey, look-those are the tiles I was thinking about for the kitchen."

'Well, I finally made the switch from cable to satellite.'

"I promise you. One day granite kitchens will be the in thing."

"I can't get the price sticker off this non stick pan, you sold me!"

'Drat - the water purifier is on backwards.'

Swiss Army Stove.

'It's lovely. Have you actually built a flat-pack kitchen before?'

'I was walking past the washers and dryers and one of my socks disappeared.'

'I wish somebody would invent the TABLE!'

'Of course, the self-cleaning models tend to cost a little more.'

"I think Tia Carmen has found her dream pot."

Come to think of it...I could do with a showcase kitchen as it goes...

"I can't believe I went so long without A.C."

A sudden draft. The moment he first felt comfortable calling himself a plumber.