Upgrading Kitchen T-Shirts

"I've been trying for ages to get that old skinflint to buy me a modern cooker!"

Come dine with me!

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

'Can you tell me how my new kitchen is coming along?'

'It's all homemade.'

Flour, sugar, earth, air, fire, water.

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

"Oh no I left my bagpipes in the oven."

Recipe involving the switching off of the smoke alarm...

"Well..I think the old Thermograph machine I rescued from work goes a treat with our kitchen units."

'And a special feature on this model is the diet ice cubes.'

"Do we really need the interactive garbage disposer?"

'Harry won't even build me a new kitchen.'

TV: widescreen 16x9 versus 4x3.

Cooking

"All new appliances, brand new subway tile backsplash and a unique kitchen island; notice those coconuts!"

A Matryoshka dolls putting an oven in an oven

'Isn't it great? It gives us four times the storage space as a regular fridge!'

Microwave. Do you have any idea of the time pressure I'm under?

'Well, I finally made the switch from cable to satellite.'

"I promise you. One day granite kitchens will be the in thing."

"I can't get the price sticker off this non stick pan, you sold me!"

Swiss Army Stove.

"This is our high-traffic, reinforced, heavy-duty model."

'Drat - the water purifier is on backwards.'

"Honey, look-those are the tiles I was thinking about for the kitchen."

'It's lovely. Have you actually built a flat-pack kitchen before?'

'I was walking past the washers and dryers and one of my socks disappeared.'

"I think Tia Carmen has found her dream pot."

'Of course, the self-cleaning models tend to cost a little more.'

Come to think of it...I could do with a showcase kitchen as it goes...

'I wish somebody would invent the TABLE!'

"I can't believe I went so long without A.C."