Update Enthusiast Pillows

"Hi, this is Bill Gates. Time to buy some new software."

'I'm too busy installing updates to figure out any practical application for them.'

"I realize you updated only 30 seconds ago. But you need to do it again. That's the way technology works these days."

Packaging Russian Dolls

Welcome to the Team

My new laptop is nicer than your new laptop. I'm not going to get into a competition about whose new laptop is nicer. The one I replaced is nicer than the one you replaced. Stop it.

Piggy bank #6: Union Jack.

"Hello - I'm from the future..."

Man feeding his computer money.

"We come from the future and just want to say: Hey, thanks for the planet!"

"I think that was one upgrade to many for Chris!"

'Sorry mate. Your church doesn't meet the minimum building code.'

"My father was a Brexit negotiator and his father before him..."

"We're having a special today on bright futures."

'I can't say what the market's going to do, but you're going to have fourteen children.'

The Robotics Department. It says here that these guys completely replace all the cells in their bodies every seven years! Wow! What a slow upgrade cycle! If we don't replace all our parts every six months we become obsolete! It makes you wonder why they're in charge! Yeah, like they expect us to remember thousands of gigabytes of data while they forget their passwords! (Published originally on April 19, 2006)

They say animals have the sixth sense and the talent to look into the future...

"I know I'm going to get older - but how much?"

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

"I see you naked. A beautiful young woman is leaning over you... Oh, hang on. She's performing your autopsy."

You're my Statue of Liberty

"Good news, sir – your carry-on has been upgraded to business class."

"Honey, come quick! This guy in the comment section just solved the Middle East crisis."

"I'm in a bad mood today: sit down!"

The Before-You-Know It-It'll-Be-Obsolete Computer Company

Taking to the sky...

After the upgrade, crashes were far less frequent and seldom fatal.

"I'll have to cance your appointment for next Friday. I'm going to be sick in bed with the flu."

'Do you think we can afford better toilets?'...

We're very disappointed. We thought the nanny had raised you better than this.

Mystic Writes 2014 Diary

Internet Name Tags.

'Someone must have stolen your identity. Your fingerprints are missing.'

That Pesky 'Why' Chromosome.

'Of course, I do have a very supportive wife.'