Unpretentious Epicure Gifts

"Well, I don't care if it is some kind of fancy-schmancy restaurant...if I want ketchup, I'm gonna get ketchup!"

The wonderful world of cheese.

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

To do before Saturday...

The Origins of Everything

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

Wendy likes horses...and she is a keen cook.

"May I recommend our Seared Filet with Lobster Cream Sauce? It's very photogenic."

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

'Leeks can disappoint you and garlic will break your heart, but only onions make you cry.'

'I'll have the 'All of the above.''

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

"It's the Chef Surprise."

"May we see something from local hydroponically grown grapes aged in casks made from non-endangered trees?"

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

"I ain't particular, but are you sure a '71 claret is the right choice for these here beans?"

A single man can be seen through the front window of the "ME Only Restaurant".

Nick's Greek Restaurant: Special - Nick's own translation of the Odyssey

Survival of the Foodiest

'My doctor said I'm digging my own grave with a spoon and fork. It'll take longer if I use only a fork.'

"Putting a steak, chicken wings and potato chips on a salad kind of negates the eating healthy concept."

'Does this restaurant allow substitutions?'

You complimented the chef on his dumplings-now he wishes to return the compliments!

'I'll leave it entirely to you...as long as it's a red...for exactly $20...from Napa...made from Merlot...2006 vintage...'

"Not just a wheel, Trog, but a wheel of aged Parmigiano Reggiano!"

"Best served at street temperature, delicious served with dustbin chipsor gutter squashed, half eaten kebab..."

Family 'Bored' Games

Treat at the Colinderies.

"I don't know about your oil, but the goulash you're cooking in your crankcase looks done."

"Excuse me for a moment. I have to go and refinance this dinner bill."

'How many more minutes until the meal is served?!!'

"I'm so hungry , I could eat a man." Alison's appetite was legendary.