Humorous Epicure Gifts

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

The wonderful world of cheese.

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

To do before Saturday...

The Origins of Everything

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"May I recommend our Seared Filet with Lobster Cream Sauce? It's very photogenic."

"Call this cordon bleu?"

'Leeks can disappoint you and garlic will break your heart, but only onions make you cry.'

"It's the Chef Surprise."

'I'll have the 'All of the above.''

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

"Don't hold back on the toad legs now - I'm through with Nouvelle Cuisine!"

'This Beef Wellington is as tough as old boots.'

"I ain't particular, but are you sure a '71 claret is the right choice for these here beans?"

A single man can be seen through the front window of the "ME Only Restaurant".

"Well, I don't care if it is some kind of fancy-schmancy restaurant...if I want ketchup, I'm gonna get ketchup!"

'My doctor said I'm digging my own grave with a spoon and fork. It'll take longer if I use only a fork.'

Nick's Greek Restaurant: Special - Nick's own translation of the Odyssey

Survival of the Foodiest

"Putting a steak, chicken wings and potato chips on a salad kind of negates the eating healthy concept."

'I'll leave it entirely to you...as long as it's a red...for exactly $20...from Napa...made from Merlot...2006 vintage...'

'Does this restaurant allow substitutions?'

You complimented the chef on his dumplings-now he wishes to return the compliments!

"Not just a wheel, Trog, but a wheel of aged Parmigiano Reggiano!"

"Best served at street temperature, delicious served with dustbin chipsor gutter squashed, half eaten kebab..."

"Excuse me for a moment. I have to go and refinance this dinner bill."

"We have an excellent shooting range..."

Family 'Bored' Games

Treat at the Colinderies.

"I'm looking for a red with a fruity bouquet, lightly peppery on the palate, and will get me smashed in under 3 glasses."

"I'm so hungry , I could eat a man." Alison's appetite was legendary.