Unplanned Parenthood Pillows

"I was under the impression that the sex we were having was recreational!"

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

Madonna of the Pukes.

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

The Baby Walker

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

"She's been so creative lately."

A midwife holding a baby

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

"Someday she'll solve the world's problems."

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

Low-Energy Drinks

"Those are the names of your children? I went a different route...I memorized my kids' names."

'You don't have to explain the software to me. I wrote it while I was in the womb.'

"Even when he throws them on the floor, he doesn't want the peas and carrots to touch."

Knight feeding his kids.

'You must be very proud Daphne.'

Rocking horse

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

Trombone emerges from pram. Mother says: 'I'm a firm believer in starting them young.'

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

"The amnio's fine, the sex is male, and the name is Wade."

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

A woman with a dog and a baby on a leash

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

"When did she start crawling?"

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"