Unplanned Parenthood Pillows

"I was under the impression that the sex we were having was recreational!"

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

Madonna of the Pukes.

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

The Baby Walker

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

"She's been so creative lately."

A midwife holding a baby

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

"Someday she'll solve the world's problems."

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever coined the phrase 'sleeps like a baby'."

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

Low-Energy Drinks

"Those are the names of your children? I went a different route...I memorized my kids' names."

"Even when he throws them on the floor, he doesn't want the peas and carrots to touch."

'You don't have to explain the software to me. I wrote it while I was in the womb.'

'You must be very proud Daphne.'

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

Rocking horse

Knight feeding his kids.

Trombone emerges from pram. Mother says: 'I'm a firm believer in starting them young.'

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

"The amnio's fine, the sex is male, and the name is Wade."

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

"When did she start crawling?"

A woman with a dog and a baby on a leash

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

Fertility goddess. Nanny goddess.

'and on the Kids' Menu, we have Cranky Pants French Toast...'

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house