Uni Enthusiasts T-Shirts

'My parents didn't want me to get left behind.'

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

The interested bystanders.

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

Ten Years to get the Ph.D

Yale makes better lock than rival Harvard.

Big Fish Little Fish Cardboard Box.

'In conclusion, I hope you all go out there, get well-paying jobs, and give lots of tax-deductible gifts to our alumni fund.'

Teacher and students.

'OKAY, okay Sandra, I'll PAY for your University course. But it BETTER NOT cost me an arm and a leg!...'

End of Affirmative Action

You got into the college of my choice, and I got into the college of your choice. Now if we could just work something out...

'You talk about her so much. Why don't you invite that Alma Mater of yours to dinner sometime?'

Med School Mascots.

"Millstone is not yet a full professor."

Psychology Dept. Faculty Evaluations Today. I can't tell if it's my id or my ego, but I'm really craving a promotion.

'...then I got my masters in psychology, and a year later I earned my Ph.D. in sociology. By the time I get my master in math and my doctorate in history, I'll be ready to retire.'

"I hope that this is just a riot of passage."

"I guess we love Uni because we get to narrow our minds with like-minded people."

"I've spent more sending my son on college campus tours than I did getting my degree."

'Rock beats scissors, sanctions it is!'

The Artificial Intelligentsia

'Quit basketball to concentrate on school. Are you crazy? Do you want to end up like all those other dreamers with a college degree and no job?'

"We just want you to know that wherever you wind up going to college is fine with us, as long as it's someplace we can brag about to our friends."

Nanny State at the UN

Ban Ki-moon

The Dean of Physics Demonstrates the Basic Premise of Give and Take, And in Particular Take, To Professor Kott.

'I admit I copied all my essays from the internet.'

Harvard Waiting List

'..And remember, your success will be measured in how much you donate to the university's alumni fund.'

"I hear we're all getting valentines from Lawrence Summers."

It's nice to have a positive parents' night topic. College admissions. Hearing about drugs, depression and sexually transmitted diseases gets old. The 3 downer 'Ds'. Tonight we'll discuss your kids' futures in higher education. We'll cover drugs, depression, diseases and crushing debt. Correction. 4 'Ds'.

How to Tell If Your Teacher Is A Leftist

All Hail the Matriarchy