Unfriendly-friendly Gifts

"Oh, Stan, I love your sarcastic sense of humor."

'Don't feel bad — all tree huggers get a splinter now and then.'

"Remember when it was 'The Dog and Duck'?"

"I just assumed that the whale we adopted would stay in the ocean."

Garden Goddess.

"How sweet, your hand is trembling."

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"Well, I think we come back as newspapers." "You're nuts."

What the heck is wrong with people? These leftovers are perfectly good – and #5 plastics go in the recycling bin!

I want a car that says 'I've arrived' but didn't use too much gas getting there.

Global Warming.

'Yes I think we did go to school together. Wasn't you the old headmistress?'

The Earth as a habitat being poisoned by pollution (symbolised by car exhaust fumes)

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

"This is never going to work—you're a tree!"

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten

"Don't worry, I'm a doctor."

Elephant seeking fresh air

Polar Bear arrives at house

'Ms. Haskell, as we transition to paperless, do you think I should carry a briefcase or laptop...or both?'

"Tell your date you're a vegetarian before he orders that expensive gourmet dinner."

If I am to help you buy the proper fit for your girlfriend, you must tell me about her. She's perfect. Computer Villa. She has shoulder-length brown hair, full lips, loves pets and children. Macs, of course, not PC. And? Pardon? What kind of kisser? Show me. The wisdom of the geeky computer salesman has its price.

"They're not as scary on casual Friday."

"What a coincidence, this letter complaining about our paper mill polluting the river is written on notepaper printed there...."

EPA - Environmental Persecution Agency.

'It's true what they say - we're a nation of dog lovers!'

"We want to fly the friendly skies, but only with friendly fellow passengers."

Ecology

Wet Wipes: My Guilty Secret

Nethead strip: Dates

"Sorry, but I didn't switch from unsanitary handshakes to fist bumps just to start group hugging!"

'You two will have lots in common - you share the same anxiety neurosis.'

"I never got a chance to say 'Shut up.' "

Six feet and a smile

'En-counter'