Unflappable Pet Whisperer Pillows

"I see you've met and pet Fluffy."

Bitchbark Canoe

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

'So far, I've taught him to fetch.'

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

Children's Parties

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

'With 73 dog obedience books read between us, I think we must consider defeat.'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"No no, I said sit!!"

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

"What you call tricks I call humiliations."

Licensed Therapist

"Foster failure"

'So what's it like riding in first class?'

'When he's happy he can cool the entire downstairs.'

Barks in code.

"They think we're their best friend. Just play along with it."

"Quick, start the car!"

Canine Companion

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

Dog Dreams