Unfaithful Story Collector Gifts

"It's not what you think."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

'That's my weird Uncle Benny. He claims that he was abducted by aliens in white lab coats.'

"No, I don't think you 'new break shoes', I think you need new break feet. You are supposed to depress the brake pedal you know."

'He's a blight on the whole neighbourhood.'

''Masterpiece Theater' will not be seen tonight, so that we may bring you 'Slushpile Showplace'....'

'Sure we've got a lot of anger. We also got a lot cement.'

Newborn making the V-sign

Who's Dead

'I've been knocking for ages!'

"I've seen a lot in my time, Ted, but it was always from the cheap seats."

Master Humphrey's visionary friends

'-but the fire's on the GROUND floor!'

'Neat photo Lucy, I'll put it up in my room... Do you have any drawing pins?'

"When my Tia Maggie got married, she wanted 8 kids...and her husband wanted 2 kids."

"We met through a contact tracing app."

Excess Baggage: As soon as you pick a vacation destination, people who have never been there start to tell you horror stories about the place.

"Grandpa! You have to let me put those under my pillow!"

'Hi. I'm Don.'

"It's a Plodcast!"

"As I call each of your names, please answer by saying 'Present'"

"We never have any activities that make for cute anecdotes anymore."

"There, there, dear. It's perfectly normal for a new bride on her wedding night to shit like a goose on her husband."

A frog catches an insect truck.

'Yes, he did turn into a price, but there were complications.'

Oliver's reception by Fagin and the boys

"As you can see this is pretty embarrassing so I'd appreciate keeping it between you, me and this fence post."

"Oh, and a five and five ones."

Home Sweet Home

'I've known you a long time and it's time I told you the truth, I'm not really a person, I'm just a suit full of chickens..'

Stolen Crime Books.

"You are so lucky I keep kosher."